Fuck Coming Out. Why Don’t Y’all Come the Fuck In?
Photo by FransA
We’re over it. The whole cultural obsession with “coming out” like it’s some sacred rite of passage. The dramatic announcement, the tears, the applause—straight folks clutching their pearls like they just watched a Netflix limited series. Meanwhile, no one’s out here asking Becky when she realized she liked Chad. Imagine if we did: “Wow, Becky, when did you first know you were straight? Was it scary? Did you worry your parents wouldn’t accept you?”
Fuck coming out. We’re staying the fuck inside. Our sexuality isn’t a TED Talk. Our gender isn’t your HR diversity exercise where someone nods gravely and says, “Thank you for sharing.” (Translation: please don’t sue us.) Straight people roll through life unexamined, while we’re expected to hold press conferences at family holidays. Our cousins bring home a Tinder date and it’s “Pass the gravy.” We bring our partners and it’s suddenly a symposium: “So how do you two… uh… live?”
Yes, we understand the politics. Coming out has changed laws, saved lives, built movements. Naming ourselves out loud has been survival and resistance. But let’s be real: the endless demand to disclose, to explain, to justify? That’s not freedom. That’s unpaid emotional labor dressed up as bravery. And the risks are real—families cutting ties, jobs on the line, safety threatened. For some people, it’s life-saving. For others, it’s life-threatening.
So instead of waiting for us to “come out,” why don’t y’all come the fuck in? Come into a world where queerness isn’t treated like a plot twist. Come into conversations where respect doesn’t hinge on disclosure. Come into the times where diversity of love, gender, and identity is normal—because spoiler alert, it always has been.
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk
We sit with people all the time who are carrying the weight of “coming out” as if it’s a requirement for authenticity. Some want to declare it loudly. Others don’t want to at all. Both choices are valid. Privacy isn’t fear. Refusal isn’t shame. Sometimes silence is resistance. Sometimes “coming out” is the performance straight culture demands, and choosing not to play is the most radical thing of all.
So yeah, fuck coming out. Our lives aren’t icebreakers. Our love isn’t an event for your applause. If you want to know us, stop waiting for the dramatic reveal. Step inside. Sit down. Catch up. People are different. Always have been. Always will be. It’s not our job to keep reminding you.
Love, Us.
Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her) is the Founder and Practice Director who champions the liberation of individuals through the acknowledgement and affirmation of their stories. With a collaborative, holistic, and directive approach, Tanisha guides clients toward healing. Her extensive experience includes roles at Mount Sinai Hospital, the Ackerman Institute for the family and private practices, offering specialized expertise in polyamorous and couple relationships, executive coaching, and clinical supervision.